"My 5yo: ‘Mom, can people be both ninjas and a doctor? Their bosses won’t care?’"
- Anna Rice (@rockinanna) via Twitter
“Butterball has a hotline? God, I’m sorry, I love my country.”
- President Bartlet on the West Wing, tweeted by Sorkin Dialogue (@sorkinese) via Twitter
"I know long hair don’t care. But why? Why is hair of a certain length so CONSUMED by apathy?"
- @donni via Twitter
"Ran into a guy today. His breath smelled like warm dirty pennies."
-Von Glitschka (@vonster) via Twitter
"Just looked out in the back yard only to see that tonight must have been Raccoon Wrestling Smackdown. I thought it was Thursdays."
-Taylor Nall (@jtnall) via Twitter
“Almost dropped my Kindle in the sand, then thought ‘Sandy Kindles’ would be a pretty solid porn star name.”
- Dan Sullivan (@DanielJSullivan) via Twitter
"More people are killed each year by dishwashers than by sharks."
- The Google Fact (@thegooglefact) via Twitter
(retweeted by @katieolecki and @inkedpaige)